Why Most Agency Reporting is Bullshit

Last month, a prospect showed us their agency's report: "1.2M impressions! 45,000 clicks! Engagement up 127%!" It looked impressive. But when we asked what revenue those clicks generated, they had no idea. They'd been paying £8,000/month for 18 months with zero visibility on ROI. This is the norm, not the exception. Let's talk about why most agency reporting is designed to hide the truth, not reveal it.

The Vanity Metrics Playbook

Agencies use vanity metrics because they can control them, they always go up, and they're hard to challenge. Here are the classics:

"We Generated 847,000 Impressions!"

What it actually means: Your ads were displayed 847,000 times. Could be 3am to bots in the wrong country. Impressions don't equal eyeballs, and eyeballs don't equal customers.

The question to ask: "How many of those impressions converted to revenue? What's the cost per impression vs. the value generated?"

"Website Traffic Increased 43%!"

What it actually means: Could be quality traffic. Could also be bot traffic, wrong geography, or people searching your brand name (which you'd get anyway).

The question to ask: "What's the conversion rate of that traffic? How much revenue did it generate? What's the cost per acquisition?"

"You're Now Ranking #1 for 127 Keywords!"

What it actually means: Probably ranking for ultra-long-tail keywords with 10 searches per month like "blue leather sofa with wooden legs near london SW1".

The question to ask: "What's the combined search volume of those 127 keywords? Which ones are driving revenue? Show me the top 10 by revenue contribution."

"Social Engagement Up 312%!"

What it actually means: Likes and comments increased. Could be from bots, could be from your employees, could be from people who will never buy from you.

The question to ask: "How many paying customers came from social? What's the customer acquisition cost vs. lifetime value?"

Real Example: Bad vs. Good Reporting

Here's an actual report we reviewed (bad agency) vs. what we provide (good reporting):

BAD AGENCY REPORT

GOOD AGENCY REPORT

Notice the difference? The good report answers the only question that matters: "Is this making me money?"

The Red Flags Checklist

If your agency report includes any of these, demand better:

• 🚩 No revenue data: If they can't connect marketing to money, they're not doing marketing—they're doing arts and crafts
• 🚩 Activity metrics only: "We posted 40 times" isn't a result, it's an input
• 🚩 Percentage increases without context: "Traffic up 300%!" (from 10 to 40 visitors)
• 🚩 No comparison to goals: Numbers without targets are meaningless
• 🚩 Cherry-picked date ranges: Showing you the best-performing week, not the average month
• 🚩 No failed experiments: If everything "worked", they're lying or not testing enough
• 🚩 Jargon overload: If you need a marketing degree to understand the report, it's designed to confuse you
• 🚩 No actionable recommendations: Reports should end with "Here's what we're changing next month"

What to Demand From Your Agency

1. Revenue Attribution

Every marketing channel should have revenue tracked. Use GA4, UTM parameters, CRM tracking, or a combination. If they say "it's too complex", they're incompetent or hiding poor results.

2. Cost Per Acquisition (CPA)

Formula: Total Marketing Spend ÷ Number of New Customers. If your CPA is £100 and lifetime value is £80, you're losing money. Simple.

3. Return on Investment (ROI)

Formula: (Revenue - Marketing Costs) ÷ Marketing Costs × 100. Minimum acceptable: 200% (£3 return for every £1 spent). Good: 400%+.

4. Channel Performance Breakdown

Know exactly what each channel contributes. Don't accept "holistic approach" nonsense—if you're paying for SEO, PPC, and Social, you deserve separate P&Ls for each.

5. What Failed and Why

Good agencies test constantly. Some things fail. If your report never mentions failures, they're either not testing or not being honest.

The "Can't Track Revenue" Excuse

Agencies love this one: "We're building brand awareness, it's hard to track", or "B2B sales cycles are long, we can't attribute directly."

Bullshit. Here's how to track revenue in "difficult" scenarios:

• Long sales cycles: Track lead quality, opportunity value, and conversion rates by source. A PPC lead vs. organic lead might have different close rates—track it.
• Offline sales: Use unique phone numbers (CallRail), promo codes, or ask "How did you hear about us?" at point of sale
• Brand awareness: Track branded search volume, direct traffic, and survey attribution ("Where did you first hear about [Company]?")
• Multi-touch attribution: Use first-click, last-click, and time-decay models to understand the full journey

If an agency says they "can't track", what they mean is "I don't want to be held accountable."

Questions to Ask in Your Next Agency Call

Copy these questions. Ask them verbatim. If they dodge, you know you're being fed BS:

• "Show me total revenue generated from your marketing efforts last month. Not leads, not traffic—revenue."
• "What's our current cost per acquisition? How does that compare to three months ago?"
• "If I gave you an extra £10,000 budget right now, where would you spend it and what ROI would you expect?"
• "What didn't work last month? Why did it fail? What are we doing differently?"
• "Which three marketing channels are generating the highest ROI? Prove it with data."
• "If we had to cut budget by 50%, which channels would you pause first? Why?"

The Accountability Framework

Add this clause to your next agency contract:

When to Fire Your Agency

Fire them immediately if:

• They can't provide revenue data after you've explicitly requested it twice
• They respond to ROI questions with "it's too early to tell" after 6+ months
• Reports focus on their effort ("We worked 40 hours this month!") rather than your results
• They get defensive when you ask questions about performance
• You can't explain to your CFO how marketing is driving revenue because they haven't explained it to you

The Bottom Line

Marketing is an investment, not a cost. Investments have measurable returns. If your agency can't prove ROI with hard numbers, they're either incompetent or dishonest. Probably both.

You don't need an MBA to understand marketing performance. You need three numbers: what you spent, what you made, and whether it's trending up or down. Everything else is noise designed to distract you from those fundamentals.

Demand better. Your business depends on it.